Are we in a gay sports bar?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
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