According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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