paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
