My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
