just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
