Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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