your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
God I need to hump something, right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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