so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
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i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
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Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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