I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
