My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
