All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
