Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
