He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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