we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
