If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Farmville is her only friend.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
