I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
