Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
