Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
