i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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