Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
