i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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