Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My ass is underappreciated
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
