he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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