a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
