if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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