Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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