I wish I could teleport
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
