I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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