i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Just pee around me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
