It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
