paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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