My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize