im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
