you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Houston, we have a blender
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
