just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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