apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
