I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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