You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
