I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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