Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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