absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it penis luge time yet?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
