I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Shame - the story of my life.
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