My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
