Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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