The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
