nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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