we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
