i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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