bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
