did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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