i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I think my moral compass just broke
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