You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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