omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
