Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
