Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
