He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
