just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
be right there i have to get my cape
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
