If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
