I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
