considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
