I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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