do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
