Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
