I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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