i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Farmville is her only friend.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Found the puke drawer
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
