the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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