there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
