I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize