i jhust puked up my retainher.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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