More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
