Betty ford says i'm here all night
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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