atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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