we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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