you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
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We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize