"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
