The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
