My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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