I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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