i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
