did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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