it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
