i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
