i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
