Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
