the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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