I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
