I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
